My Faithful,

What is happening with Our beloved Steelers these days?  What happened to the days of old when aggression was taken out on other teams on the field? Months ago, at one of Our Gatherings, I gave a speech on the virtues of not being involved with people who bring drama into Our lives.  To distance Ourselves from those who may be prone to inciting a police stand-off when pushed to the edge.  This was of course in reference to the January standoff between Lindsey Paulet, ex-girlfriend of - now ex-Steeler - Cedrick Wilson, and police.

I know what it’s like to be stalked and harassed.  It can be a frightful experience; one that, if you live through it, gives life that quality of surreal antiquity.  How when you wake up suddenly at three in the morning and instead of being upset that you awoke, you are relieved that it wasn’t because of the phone ringing, and ringing, and ringing, and ringing.  Then there are the notes left on your door.  Your mail left open in your mailbox.  The key scratches left on your car door.  Your missing kitten (seriously, that’s comparable to crossing the 38th Parallel).  These are reasons to get Wargs for Our protection.

The events of January seemed to be of that quality that Ms. Paulet could have been the type of borderline personality-type stalker who would pull a stunt of such proportions to attract attention.  My first guess may have been unfairly wrong.  Because of My former experiences, I empathized with Wilson after the original reported incident. My apologies, Ms. Paulet.

It is very rare that I am wrong…  I hope it is not repeated.

There seems to be good reason why Ms. Paulet was armed and now seems most definitely self-defense.  Because what the fuck is wrong with you, Cedric Wilson?

At around 8 last night, Mr. Wilson approached 26-year-old Lindsey Paulat, of Fawn, at Patron’s Restaurant near Route 910 and Perry Highway in Pine, police said. He then pushed Ms. Paulet, the mother of his 16-month-old daughter, and punched her in the face when she turned around, according to a criminal complaint charging Mr. Wilson. [sic]

Which is it, Paulat or Paulet?   Regardless, let’s hope she stays as the ex-girlfriend of Wilson.  Anyway, Push in the back is a fifteen yard penalty, Wilson. Maybe this will net you fifteen months.  Steelers wide receiver’s coach Randy Fichtner released a statement which said that this tactic is not taught and would be considered offensive pass interference.

Jokes aside, what is interesting?  For Me at least, which means it should be for You as well: In elementary school this exact same thing happened to Me on the school bus in fifth grade (sans a 16-month-old hellspawn - I was probably not even shooting blanks yet). My first day at a new school. The kid’s name who pushed me in the back then decked me in the face when I turned around?  Cedric.  I hated being the new kid.  His last name wasn’t Wilson.

The Harrison incident is masked under the blanket of good will as he wanted to take his son to be baptized.  But both incidents are disturbing.  At least we don’t have Randy Moss running down women in parking lots.

 [T]eam spokesman Dave Lockett wrote in a statement. “We needed to increase the prices to remain competitive.

Competitive against whom? I must have missed the announcement that Pittsburgh started another NFL franchise. And then, usually you lower prices to remain competitive.  Not like you don’t have a salary cap and a 30+ year history of selling out every single game. First the drink tax, now this? Well, it didn’t stop people from drinking and the ticket hike isn’t going You from giving Me tickets to games in the offering plate.

At least since announced on the same day I can peacefully blame Cedric Wilson for the increased price of tickets for home games.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

By Gene Collier, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Myron Cope, colorful sports broadcaster and reporter whose Terrible Towel remains the banner of the Steelers nation, has died.

In declining health since even before his 2005 retirement after a record 35 years of Steelers broadcasts, Mr. Cope died this morning of respiratory failure.

He was 79.

One of the last of the great sports characters, Mr. Cope’s life and career were nothing less than book-worthy, even if he had to write it himself. Twice.

“Double Yoi” it was called both times, the second an updated version of the original 2002 volume, the title immortalizing one of Mr. Cope’s signature exclamations, which, along with “Okle-dokle,” “Dumbkopf!”, and “How do?”, became so familiar to his radio and TV audiences.

Not much I can add to it.

A committee has looked independently into the allegations against member Beth Ann Chester and has thus made the recommendation she be excommunicated from the Order.  As human sacrifice is generally frowned upon in South-Western Pennsylvania - as I was reminded on Saturday - we will instead hold a bonfire tonight and burn her effigy.  This event is B.Y.O.B. as it will not be held at The Campus Bar.  However, We will be pre-gaming there at 6 p.m. For the kids there will be a piñata. We will be serving appetizers and cake in the shape of a mobile phone.

Also in light of recent national news, the theme will no longer be Texas BBQ.

The Asshole Alert (please, stop calling it ASSCON in public, as that is reserved for Our Pittsburgh equivalent of the AVN awards) for Downtown as been lowered to 2.  Today was the second time the Blue Dodge Caravan has been spotted in the last week.  This time I witnessed the driver turn right on red (where clearly marked not to) and almost hit a pedestrian.  This is in similar fashion as to my confrontation with the Blue Dodge Caravan last Spring. It is unclear if the same threat to “beat the cracker off of [them]” was made toward the pedestrian.

With the release of Charlie Wilson’s War, it’s nice to be vindicated in the thought that Julia Roberts is most certainly evil.  I am pleased that she can now rightfully be held accountable for the rise of al-Qaeda and 9/11.

I can barely bring myself to comment on the travesty that was Saturday Night’s game.  Jacksonville’s kick-off return for a touchdown should have been called back - the blatant push-in-the-back on Ike Taylor was overlooked.  That was one of many.  Also, nice phantom hold call, refs, on the two-point conversion. Referee bitching aside, it was an exciting game, much more so than any other Wildcard game.  Here’s hoping Jacksonville knocks the Patriots off their pedestal.

Everyone is encouraged to wear their Jessica Simpson masks to any game they attend this weekend.  We had a small, but faithful, contingent which drew many baffled looks on Saturday night.

As a reminder to Us all, there are still tickets for the Steelers’ game tomorrow night. There seem to be more haters and doubters than usual this time around. I’m not sure why. Well, actually, fans should have legitimate concerns about the game against Jacksonville. But it’s a playoff game, in Pittsburgh and fans despite the Oronato Tax, should be drunker than usual. As we know, it’s beer that fuels the fans and pushes the boundaries of fan enthusiasm, not just here in Pittsburgh, but everywhere. But, yes, more so here in Pittsburgh.

Those of Us not attending the game, I remind everyone of the open bar for the first half of the game.

The rest of the haters and doubters should give Pittsburgh a break and because of Our good deeds in the past. Do I need to remind everyone that it was Us who lobbied the NFL to have Anne Murray not perform at the Super Bowl the year after the Janet Jackson incident?

Anyway, moving on - Some of you newer members may not be aware that in 2004 we were in early contention of bidding on Pittsburgh’s casino license. We were denied the ability to even bid, despite designing what would be several architectural masterpieces. Since then We have been attempting to work with Don Barden’s group and have presented several inexpensive solutions to his traffic problem that has been holding up the project. Unfortunately Barden’s group either took these as an attempt to subvert him, or as a threat and has since forbidden any of Us from entering the new casino as either a worker or customer.This may be a good thing as it allows us to work on our robotics programme with members who are students at CMU.

Another bit of unfortunate news: Even though Senator Jane Orie has supported Our movement to have the band Journey removed from bar and restaurant jukeboxes, she has turned her back on Us and proposed a new tax which would affect Our more… unique enterprises. Really, Jane? Following Utah’s lead? Do you not watch Big Love?

Final note: Futurama has moved its syndication to Comedy Central, weeknights at 9 p.m. It no longer appears to be on Adult Swim. The watching of movies on Comedy Central as well as Mind of Mencia is still strongly advised against. Anyone quoting Carlos Mencia will be brought in front of the Judicial Review Board.

I’ve decided to add this supplemental writing to accompany Our Gatherings as well as hope to reach and embrace a wider audience to those who share our passions. Always remember that we are correct and righteous in Our endeavor. So, We will begin with when We left off at our New Year’s Gathering.

The Port Authority and Allegheny County Council are unfortunately intertwined because of Charles Martoni. As We are first and foremost ethical in all things, it is outrageous that We have long been unable to be elected to the council to effect change among the council and its policy which unfortunately involves deception and corruption. This was just the latest, but here will document more and how We may effect change in the future. As Our numbers currently prohibit a coup, We will need to look to look into the possibility of lobbying. Which is almost as reprehensible a thought.

I mentioned I would report on how the Drink Tax and hikes in Port Authority fares affect Us:

With the raises in fares, it has come to my attention that this may put a burden on some of Us without other transportation getting to and from The Campus. For those in Zones 2 and 3, the solution is that you move into The Campus. Tent cities will be erected until the new wing (name still pending in committee, current leading name is “The New Wing”, some creative alternatives can still be submitted) is completed. They will be top-of-the-line. A committee looked into getting the tents from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but apparently those do not exist. Those of you who are at Gathering Level Twenty may skip one of the required Gatherings per week. Though We all hope you choose to attend.

The Campus Bar: Prices unfortunately will be raised, but the cost will not be passed onto Us until it’s clear that this tax is permanent. There will be lawsuits (one has been filed at time of this Writing). We remember Prohibition and how well that worked out.

Dues will be raised slightly this month. Unfortunately after several attempts at installing the County’s idiotic choice for a Third Party software which records each sale, I became frustrated and destroyed Our point of sale system and left the debris scattered on Charles Martoni’s front lawn along with a bill for a replacement system. If he welches on Us, it will go into collections and most likely he will default and Our insurance will pick it up. Out of my own personal account I have replaced the system, however We, like Tusca, must bring in a Consultant from Florida to install the inane software. I plan on billing the County, but I don’t hold much hope either. The increase is only $15 per member (only to those over the age of 21), and will be spread out over the next five months.

Also, we have gone yet another season with out the Pittsburgh Steelers honoring Our request of playing a Rick Astley song when the opponent has the ball. Though, We should hold hope for the Wild Card game against Jacksonville this Saturday. There will still be an open bar at The Campus Bar for the first half of the game. I muse to myself that we should pick a more high profile and perhaps current untalented singer (perhaps one currently on MTV) for our request next year; but why mess with twenty years of tradition?

Till the next Gathering.