Notch another one up for the Drink Tax

Owners Seeking Drink Tax Help Reach Sex Line

PITTSBURGH (KDKA) ― Some bar and restaurant owners in Allegheny County were trying to get help with the drink tax by dialing a toll-free number, but instead reached a sex line.

Allegheny County Treasurer John Weinstein says the number was a typo that occurred when the flyers were printed. Only a handful were mailed.

The letters have a new number that doesn’t send callers to a sex line.

Was this why Onorato was greeted by a chorus of “Booooos” at Myron Cope’s send-off on Friday?

Police are searching for a person who left four hand grenades in a Westmoreland County Goodwill shop.

This is in violation of the Die Hard 3 rule.  “You can leave that here.  Some kid could…”  Even the bad guys in that movie followed this one.

I’ll start with a quick note to Everyone:  Pirate Fest is not to be confused with Talk Like a Pirate Day or His Noodly Appendage’s most precious followers: Pirates.  As a result, I encourage Us all to dress like the Dread Pirate Roberts anyway and attend Pirate Fest in hopes that they may hit .500.

One of Our sources in the County offices has reported that Dan “Tax” Oronato has been overheard yelling at subordinates by phone from Europe and claiming he’ll never speak to Post Gazette reporters again after today’s article about how ill-prepared the county is to deal with pathological gamblers.

“If you don’t ask, you don’t know,” Dr. Engel said of the gambling problem, which is generally easier to conceal than other addictions.

Oronato was overheard mocking Dr. Engel while he spoke from his hotel room to no one in particular. “That’s exactly the point, Engel - keep them blind to the consequences. C’MON!”  Other rumored quotes from Oronato include such gems as:  “Dammit!  We need the social security money from seniors to pay for public transit, hopefully they can’t read the small print of the Post Gazette.” and “Get me Luke and tell him we may need yet another revenue source and get me a list of things that we don’t tax or aren’t taxed enough”

Oronato was also reported to have Googled for information on how to put up a toll booth at the Pennsylvania / West Virginia border on interstate 79 to keep compulsive gamblers at the North Side’s casino.  Barden has not returned any correspondence in regards to Our status with the soon-to-open-maybe-in-2009-but-probably-delayed-because-of-unforseen-idiocy casino.

As a reminder: Travel for Us to West Virginia is not recommended since opposition groups are still a danger to Us when traveling to the Casino. This was supposed to be settled at the Summit of 2004, however some rogue groups who live out of congregations of trailers continue to ignore its accord.  I should not need remind You all the damage that buckshot can cause Your person and / or vehicle.

My mind is warped from how absurdly awesome this is (and the fact that I was sideswiped last night on Bigelow Blvd by a black Nissan Maxima - late 90s model) to add anything other than the fact, I want in on this deal.

Jim Mitchell, who owns Mitchell’s Restaurant, Bar & Banquet Center, wants to fight Onorato as part of a charity amateur boxing card on Feb. 9.

Except, when I win, all proceeds go to Our Efforts and the Drink Tax is repealed. Oronato is also not allowed to conjure demons or Bob O’Connor.