With his 10-story garage to hold 3,800 cars.  Or after Pittsburgh’s do their version of staying in the yellow lines, 3,456 parking spaces will be available.  I’m talking about you, the idiot that drives the BMW 740i and thinks they must manage to take up three spaces in a downtown garage.  Yes, it was me that pulled right in front of you with very little clearance from the right-front of your bumper.  I hope you enjoyed my note, asshole.  I had fun drawing it.

This, however, is about what Barden is not telling the public.  The money that could be used to submerge several stories of the garage underground and holdback the floods of the Ohio River, is actually being funnelled into two underground stories to hold those suspected of cheating in his new casino.

Not to be out-done by Sam “Ace” Rothstein, the rooms to hold those suspected of cheating will not just contain hammers, vices and electrical saws, but an assortment of medieval torture devices from his personal collection and that of his business partners.  Many of these have to be transferred overseas from Europe and Japan.  This shipping cost is enormous (think of the shipping costs for the Chihuly exhibit and multiply it by Pi).

In all seriouness, only Pittsburgh could take five-plus years to institute a money-making machine such as a casino.  Only Pennsylvania would do it half-assed and not allow table games.  How are slot machines going to attract people to Pittsburgh when they can venture an hour south and enjoy a full casino.  Bravo.

Pittsburgh is getting a bioterror lab. They are just waiting for an upgrade for the water line, which hopefully should reduce the risk of bio-terrors from the Allegheny river.

We’d better start drinking. To make the new Oronato Tax remotely effective, Allegheny county would have to drink well over 150 million alcoholic beverages. I’m sure Steeler Nation could step it up a bit to make it easier. Especially to drown out the memories of last Saturday’s loss to Jacksonville.

Converted into poured liquor taxes, figuring the new 10 percent tax on a $2 bottle of beer, we’d have to drink 5,315,810 beers just to pick up the parachute tab for just this one retiree.

The Port Authority’s former CEO will additionally get $108,798 in retirement income from the Port Authority each year from 2005 until 2014. That’s another $1,087,980 — the tax on 5,439,900 more beers.

After 2014, the former CEO receives $102,798 every year for life. If he’s lucky enough to make it to 90, that’s $3,083,940 — the tax on another 15,419,700 beers.

We have our work cut out for us. Way to mis-manage, guys! The rest of the country now has a template on how to abuse the very people they serve in numerous ways.

Pittsburgh seniors will have to wait until May 2009 to dump their life savings and social security checks. This will not have an affect on Us since We have been pre-emptively banned from the casino. However, Those who live on the North Shore / Side may have increased traffic nightmares since our proposal for traffic prosperity was denied.

Fear-monger Pat Robertson has predicted more doom and gloom for the world in 2008 even after his prophesied nuclear attack of 2007 failed to happen.

“I also believe the Lord was saying by 2009, maybe 2010, there’s going to be a major stock market crash,” said Robertson, who is a millionaire businessman as well as an evangelical leader.

But don’t unload your portfolio just yet. Robertson acknowledged Wednesday that his prophecy of a nuclear terror attack in 2007 failed to unfold.

He also cited information from God when he predicted on a year go that major U.S. cities would be hit by “very serious terrorist attacks” causing “possibly millions” of deaths.

Perhaps Robertson should hide in a cave, inhale natural gas (or smoke some opium) and give long-term predictions. Look how well they worked for Nostradamus. I wrote Mr. Robertson in October of 2007 offering my own visions for what 2008 would bring Us as well as the rest of the world. Also if he would care to comment on the rise of the Twelve Tribes of Israel and their effect on Scientology and aliens. Mr. Robertson’s assistant replied that he was offended of our blasphemous words and that our Order was a threat to world peace.

I look forward to his prophecies in 2011 about 2012. Perhaps Mr. Robertson would like to make some predictions about Port Authority?

As a reminder to Us all, there are still tickets for the Steelers’ game tomorrow night. There seem to be more haters and doubters than usual this time around. I’m not sure why. Well, actually, fans should have legitimate concerns about the game against Jacksonville. But it’s a playoff game, in Pittsburgh and fans despite the Oronato Tax, should be drunker than usual. As we know, it’s beer that fuels the fans and pushes the boundaries of fan enthusiasm, not just here in Pittsburgh, but everywhere. But, yes, more so here in Pittsburgh.

Those of Us not attending the game, I remind everyone of the open bar for the first half of the game.

The rest of the haters and doubters should give Pittsburgh a break and because of Our good deeds in the past. Do I need to remind everyone that it was Us who lobbied the NFL to have Anne Murray not perform at the Super Bowl the year after the Janet Jackson incident?

Anyway, moving on - Some of you newer members may not be aware that in 2004 we were in early contention of bidding on Pittsburgh’s casino license. We were denied the ability to even bid, despite designing what would be several architectural masterpieces. Since then We have been attempting to work with Don Barden’s group and have presented several inexpensive solutions to his traffic problem that has been holding up the project. Unfortunately Barden’s group either took these as an attempt to subvert him, or as a threat and has since forbidden any of Us from entering the new casino as either a worker or customer.This may be a good thing as it allows us to work on our robotics programme with members who are students at CMU.

Another bit of unfortunate news: Even though Senator Jane Orie has supported Our movement to have the band Journey removed from bar and restaurant jukeboxes, she has turned her back on Us and proposed a new tax which would affect Our more… unique enterprises. Really, Jane? Following Utah’s lead? Do you not watch Big Love?

Final note: Futurama has moved its syndication to Comedy Central, weeknights at 9 p.m. It no longer appears to be on Adult Swim. The watching of movies on Comedy Central as well as Mind of Mencia is still strongly advised against. Anyone quoting Carlos Mencia will be brought in front of the Judicial Review Board.