After reading the following article, I have decided that We no longer must abide by the Ten Commandments. This may anger Charlton Heston, but since We’re members of the NRA, he may let Us off with a warning. He did, after all, save us from Yul Brynner’s sadistic grasp.
Moses was high on drugs.
High on Mount Sinai, Moses was on psychedelic drugs when he heard God deliver the Ten Commandments, an Israeli researcher claimed in a study published this week.
Yeah, the whole burning bush thing makes sense. What religious leader was not on some sort of mind-altering substance or schizophrenic? Many of My edicts are declared under such a state, and I am only following in the footsteps of the great prophets of times long since past. How else was I able to travel back in time to the future. It is not just a paradox, but also a state of mind.
In all reality, Moses was high and burning bush became a metaphor for one of his mistresses who gave him the clap; hence his new-found hatred for adultery.
Many followers were most likely on drugs as well. Who builds a cow out of gold? These were Hebrews, not Hindus.
This also explains the truth behind wandering around the desert for forty fucking years and why Moses wasn’t killed after being lost for a month. You can also argue they say around a rock as well looking for manna.
But don’t let Yourselves off the hook just yet when it comes to anarchy and mayhem. I will rewrite the now defunct commandments and model them more to My liking. It will benefit Us all and lead Us through the next century of human development.
By sure You all have heard of the incident at the club, The Nutcracker Suite, in which we invested several years ago. Therefore I asked that a Committee be formed to investigate ways to make Our branch at The Campus safer for Our clients and those who volunteer their services.
From a quick once over of Our operation at The Campus, I’ve noticed a lack of general common sense when it comes to the Work environment. I’ll admit having let these things go in the past, but We must be vigilant from here on out.
- There is to be no more smoking except if the client requests it specifically and you are to use the official smoking room. We have flammable materials and costumes in use and Many have noticed unattended cigarettes and pipes left alight.
- Those who keep mogwais as pets, I don’t care if they whistle and add to the ambiance. Do I really have to explain the danger? We don’t need the bad press after what happened in 2005. If you want something cute and fluffy, kittens should be enough.
- I am mandating re-training for Volunteers who keep firearms in their Environment. Also, assault rifles will no longer be allowed for use during sessions.
- The tear gas room will still be open due to its popularity (I don’t understand it, either, especially the knockout gas substitute). But, like firearms, all Volunteers must re-train in proper gas mask usage.
- The mechanical Warg room will still be open.
The client caught on video tape by KDKA is no longer welcome as he is now deemed a security risk as has the volunteer who gave him the bad acid.
Andrew Croulet was found wandering along Banksville Road wearing just socks on Sunday morning.
“I tried to offer a sweater to him,” said Kiray. “I was screaming to him. He had no idea who I was or that I was trying to talk to him. I don’t think he knew he was outside. He didn’t know he was cold - that’s for sure.”
Police eventually arrived on the scene and were able to subdue the man. Authorities identify him as 27-year-old Andrew Croulet of Brookline. They say he may have been running through the woods.
KDKA’s Ross Guidotti reports that police sources say Croulet was impaired or under the influence of something.
Ya think? Samwise was obviously under the influence of the Ring and had lost Mr. Frodo as Banksville Road is miles away from both he and Cirith Ungol.
In a bit of promising news for once:
Pittsburgh International Airport may actually become an international destination again after US Airways raped our horses and rode off on the women.
Some experts believe the “open skies” accord between the United States and the European Union, which takes effect at the end of March, could improve chances for medium-size cities like Pittsburgh to get nonstop flights to Europe, at least at some point.
