After reading the following article, I have decided that We no longer must abide by the Ten Commandments.  This may anger Charlton Heston, but since We’re members of the NRA, he may let Us off with a warning.  He did, after all, save us from Yul Brynner’s sadistic grasp.

Moses was high on drugs.

High on Mount Sinai, Moses was on psychedelic drugs when he heard God deliver the Ten Commandments, an Israeli researcher claimed in a study published this week.

Yeah, the whole burning bush thing makes sense.  What religious leader was not on some sort of mind-altering substance or schizophrenic?  Many of My edicts are declared under such a state, and I am only following in the footsteps of the great prophets of times long since past.  How else was I able to travel back in time to the future.  It is not just a paradox, but also a state of mind.

In all reality, Moses was high and burning bush became a metaphor for one of his mistresses who gave him the clap; hence his new-found hatred for adultery.

Many followers were most likely on drugs as well.  Who builds a cow out of gold?  These were Hebrews, not Hindus.

This also explains the truth behind wandering around the desert for forty fucking years and why Moses wasn’t killed after being lost for a month.  You can also argue they say around a rock as well looking for manna.

But don’t let Yourselves off the hook just yet when it comes to anarchy and mayhem.  I will rewrite the now defunct commandments and model them more to My liking.  It will benefit Us all and lead Us through the next century of human development.

As a reminder for Everyone, you will never be asked (or forced) to accept any mark upon your body. Especially your hands. Hands are extremely useful for a number of things. I’d like to ask for his description of what the mark looked like. Was it textured? Indented or raised skin? If it was on the forearm, he may have been a Death Eater.

A man who believed he bore the “mark of the beast” used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then cooked it in the microwave.

Wait, what?

“It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived,” sheriff’s Capt. Ben Wolfinger said.

I can stretch to understand the removal of the hand, but to microwave it? Ladies and gentlemen, We all know that to remove a demonic spirit, they must be burned and turned to ash as they are immune to many forms of radiation.

In other crackpot religion tax-exempt scam news, let Us speak of true mark of the beast: it seems Katie Holmes may have accepted it… Claims (which should surprise none of Us) have recently surfaced in a book which claims Suri Cruise was not fathered by the false-prophet Mapathor.

“Some sect members believed that Katie Holmes was carrying the baby who would be the vessel for L. Ron Hubbard’s spirit when he returned around the galaxy.”

Cruise’s lawyer Bert Fields says, “He’s very angry. It’s so bizarre and grotesque to imply that Suri is fathered by the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard. You just look at Suri, and you see Tom and Katie.”

While We should not be surprised by these claims even if they are true, We know that they are not. We know, with little doubt, that David Miscavige stole L. Ron’s sperm and used it to clone L. Ron. He failed. Anyone want to take a guess what he did with it next?

How does this affect Xenu’s plans for the domination of Earth? We cannot be sure, he has not been seen for seventy-five million years. but even though neither of the above if true would ever affect Us, to fortify our strong hold, I may soon need an Heir. The world may or may not be in grave danger, but from whom? We will discuss this further at the next Gathering.

For more about the idiocy that is Scientology, http://www.lermanet.com or http://www.xenu.net