I hope someone gets to witness PETA set a giant chicken effigy on fire. If I wasn’t downtown at the moment, I would be there to capture this moment for Everyone.  I’ve sent the former First Lady in for pictures.  With any luck, I’ll have them by the time Fish Fry Season is over.

Pittsburgh - Waving a sign that reads, “KFC Tortures Chickens,” a giant “chicken” will set fire to a life-sized effigy of Colonel Sanders in front of a local KFC restaurant tomorrow.

We all know that PETA is an evil, psychotic organization, but their craziness and inane response to things is so comical that it’s the only reason they are not an Enemy of the Organization.

But, on the flip-side of things:

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08038/855502-114.stm

A chicken feed additive containing arsenic and used to produce pinker, healthier, bigger-breasted birds could cause human disease, according to a study headed by a Duquesne University researcher.

The study is the first to link a human health risk to the feed additive that has been widely used since the 1960s by commercial chicken producers to control intestinal parasites, reduce stress, stimulate growth and improve the color of chicken meat.

Arsenic?  Jesus Christ.  Attention women who enjoy killing their men slowly over time:  Just feed them lots of chicken.

Now, We are a pretentious Group, but We shouldn’t feel that way when we buy “organic” meats for these reasons.

See? I was right.  Our Chief Political Correspondent confirms that in Friday’s Trib. p.m. that the $600 tax rebate is going to be spent on Drugs.  Prostitution is still yet to be confirmed as I am still awaiting female volunteers to walk the streets.  Volunteers should see “Frank” at the next Gathering.

We’ve enjoyed his work since Sliders… hell, since My Secret Identity… actually, We mean Stand By Me. But this puts Jerry O’Connell in a light of his own.

“As an actor when you drive past an accident and you see it. Don’t do anything because you don’t want to be involved.. insurance and any sort of litigation.”

He even portrays the blank stare that brain-washed Scientologists have perfectly.

Speaking of Cruise’s insane view on car accidents, would he help out Bill Peduto?

My mind is warped from how absurdly awesome this is (and the fact that I was sideswiped last night on Bigelow Blvd by a black Nissan Maxima - late 90s model) to add anything other than the fact, I want in on this deal.

Jim Mitchell, who owns Mitchell’s Restaurant, Bar & Banquet Center, wants to fight Onorato as part of a charity amateur boxing card on Feb. 9.

Except, when I win, all proceeds go to Our Efforts and the Drink Tax is repealed. Oronato is also not allowed to conjure demons or Bob O’Connor.