My Children.  I am pleased to announce that the Cougar Mating season is upon Us.  It’s no coincidence that this time falls in line with the Summer months each year.  It’s just a question of exactly where this year’s hunting ground will be.  It’s quite possible that the Cultural District will still have plenty of game for this season.

New this year will be a contest which will conclude just after Labor Day (even though the season continues usually until it’s too cold to sit outside Seviche - last year it was the first week of October).

There will also be fines and possible jail time for those of You who become confused about “hunting” Cougars and bring actual weapons with You.  We do not need a repeat of last summer’s police stand off against a mace-wielding Cougar.  How she was able to disarm the persuer and then battle three officers with tasers is still under investigation. The hole in the police officer’s arm from the heel of her shoe has finally fully healed.

Speaking of tasers, no caveman antics this year by tasing your “prey” and dragging her out of the bar. This is as bad as using GHB or roofies.  Do not become Roofie Mike.

Contest categories will be posted before May 26, the official beginning of Cougar Mating Season.  If You are proposed to or have need of a restraining order, You will be immediate disqualified.  If you are pepper sprayed or have a restaining order filed against You, not only will you be disqualified, Your privileges to Our Nutcracker Suite will be permanently revoked.  You will also face excommunication.

Tags: cougars, mace

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