In a supplement and extension of last week’s remarks about the idiocy of Pittsburgh’s drivers… I also have to question their basic reading comprehension and ability to recognize signs on the road.

I must report a massive win for Our Congregation.

But, first: Your obligatory back story.  For years when The Campus was located south of the Liberty Tubes many of Us who rely on Port Authority would have to face the inevitable “Smithfield Wait” as idiots would clog up the intersection of Smithfield and Boulevard of the Allies.  This, often during rush hour and other peak traffic times, would create the Sea of Exhaust as the line of buses would be viewable from my office window all the way down to 6th Avenue.  One dreary winter day I decided to take a pilgrimage (please, do not confuse this with the Hajj) down to 6th, took a left and continued down 6th to Wood and then turning left again on to Wood.  Wood was then backed up with buses all the way to halfway between 5th and Forbes.

Shit.  This was on a Friday. People wanted to get home, out of the cold and start drinking the memories of the work week away.  But they couldn’t. Why? Because of asshole drivers (which were recently called the most courteous) turning right and /or left on red and blocking the buses from making any forward progress.

Some bus drivers would attempt to subvert this behavior by pulling up only as far as they needed and hold back some of the flow from the Boulevard - which usually resulted in drivers attempting to pass the bus or pulling directly behind it and usually blocking traffic on the Boulevard - gridlock.

I, personally, wrote several letters over the years to the City, County and Port Authority - along with pictures - suggesting that during rush hour (4pm to 7pm) that the single lane of Smithfield south-bound between Boulevard and Fort Pitt be a HOV / Bus only lane in hopes that I may get home in timely manner and not be compelled to wait in the cold or rain as my bus was delayed by assholes.

It seems they finally were seen by someone or someone in a position of power finally had a moment of clarity or common sense and took some action.

They, took it one step further and made it Buses only, all the time last Thursday or Friday.  Now, considering I work in this little, but heavily trafficked corridor of Smithfield it kind of sucks, but for the higher purpose it servers I am thankful.

Checking from the otherside of the street:

Lenny: George, what are these orange barriers? Are they for the rabbits, George?
George: No, Lenny, those are there to stop drivers from turning left.
Lenny: Shame, I thought they were for the rabbits. Wait, that guy just turned left and almost hit that guy. You said they couldn’t turn here, what if that guy walking was a rabbit and hit him?

note: there was someone who walked across the street, was almost hit and had to run to avoid this stupid-looking SUV.  He is behind it in this picture - also take notice of the car all the way to the left:

because there they are!

However, I have yet to see one driver get pulled for turning here.  Where are the officers that are so trigger happy to ticket drivers when it comes to any other part of the Smithfield Bus Lane?  Perhaps they haven’t yet received the memo about the changes to this intersection.

With one of Our goals for 2008 finally out of the way, We can focus on getting the entire Bush Administration charged by the Hague for War Crimes.  That is more of a 2009 goal as Congress doesn’t have the balls to Impeach Bush or Cheney.

I don’t care what Auto Vantage said.  Pittsburgh’s drivers are some of the most inept people on the road.  We sponsored Our own independent survey and found most Pittsburgh drivers to be idiots and have no sense of right or left. Our study also shows that the blood pressure of Our Congregation is higher in Pittsburgh than it is in other cities. This study already factors in the constant construction on the Parkway and city streets.

Take for instance My driving experience last night. I’m behind a vintage blue Toyota Corolla with the driver cruising along Ellsworth at a brisk fifteen miles per hour while approaching a light that just turned green.  However, by the time we actually reached the light it was back to red.  There’s no excuse for this madness.

Later, I’m behind a car on one of Pittsburgh’s many one way streets approaching a light.  The driver in front of me signals (far ahead of the light) that they are going to turn left and in a move which is bereft of common sense: the drivers moves all the way over to the RIGHT then angles the car back to the LEFT.  Why is this a problem? Well, because I wanted to make a legal right turn on red.

The driver in front of me seemed genuinely confused as to why I shouted out my window that they were a clueless asshole and should have their license suspended until their common sense skills develop.  Considering this person was easily in their forties, I don’t think they should hold much hope.  However, the situation did have the benefit of providing some amusement for the people waiting at the bus stop.

So I usually will take the bus to not increase my blood pressure - but then there’s the problem of mass transit in general.  I have a new solution to the Port Authority’s blood letting-like practive of hemoraging money:  follow what the airlines do when it comes to extra large passengers - charge them double.  I don’t need to be pressed against the window of the bus (who knows what germs are present from the crappin’ kids that are brought on by their parents or the other people who fail to bathe daily :shudder:

Charging them double the fare would raise money for the Port Auth and also motivate people to lose weight and get in shape. It’s win-win! Why are we not doing this?  I will tell you why: The extra-large people can easily manipulate matter (read: Me) with their extra-large hands and force other passengers through the window when it’s suggested, under one’s breath, that they should go pay another $2 dollars to ride the bus. How he heard me over his labored breathing I cannot answer.

Big Guy (bg): [ encroaching on my space ]
BG: [ labored breathing ]
CL (under my breath): Port Authority should take a hint from the airlines and charge some people double
BG: The airlines can only get away with that because most people cannot fit through the oval-shaped window when thrown.
CL: Touche [ I hate this term, but it is fitting ]
BG: [ more labored breathing ]

I’ll give him credit for that.  Would I be the only one who is disappointed that the labored breathing is not in a manner like Darth Vader? I guess it’s a blessing in disguise since he could have then force-pushed me out the window or force-choked me and no one would be the wiser.

I also almost missed my stop (usually people are chasing the bus to get on, very rarely are they hindered from getting off the bus) because said large passenger CANNOT GET OUT OF THE SEAT.  I held my tongue even though it was tempting to say, “I’ve scaled Everest, I think I can scale you to get off the bus.”

All that he was missing was an oxygen tank and a motorized kart.

I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often…

A man injured in a Downtown fire yesterday died this morning at UPMC Mercy Hospital.

The medical examiner’s office said Richard Piotrowski, 62, was pronounced dead at 5:17 a.m. at Mercy’s burn unit.

He was hurt when a blaze broke out about 7 a.m. yesterday at the Roosevelt Arms apartments on Penn Avenue. Police said he was smoking while using oxygen.

Oxygen is flammable.  Oxygen is what allows fire to burn - your charcoal grill wouldn’t work without it this summer - or in summer’s past as this isn’t a new revelation.

So, what dumbasses think it’s a good idea to smoke while hooked up to an oxygen tank.  It really is a catastrophe waiting to happen. Thankfully it didn’t happen on a street corner where it might have taken out parents who beat their crying kids while waiting for the bus. God forbid… actually wait, Einstein wrote in a letter (which is up for auction) that religion and people looking for a god-like figure is “childish”.

In the letter, he states: “The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this.”

Einstein, who was Jewish and who declined an offer to be the state of Israel’s second president, also rejected the idea that the Jews are God’s favoured people.

“For me the Jewish religion like all others is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions. And the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong and with whose mentality I have a deep affinity have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything ‘chosen’ about them.”

But this is not and has never been a secret…

It was hard to be an atheist before The Origin of Species. Einstein is the only member of your list who was born into the post-Darwinian world, and it is no accident that he was also the only one who didn’t believe in God. He declared: “It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. “

But to call it childish is just plain awesome. If only the head-technology of Futurama was around to reanimate Einstein and Carl Sagan… life might be a bit more interesting.

And since there is no god.  You should pray to Me.

Everyone knew Hillary Clinton was going to win West Virginia yesterday and everybody knew why.  But nobody knew by how much.  41 points.  Quite a bit.  Why?

People like Mary Beth Jester

“I want to see a woman in there before I see a . . . ” She stopped, and her sister finished the sentence with: “a man of color.”

Let me adjust my monocle.

Way to be with the times, Mary Beth Jester.

http://hillaryis404.org/

And Rush Limbaugh is a sack of shit.

I’ve commented on the inanity of CCTV cameras making their debut in Pittsburgh. Well, apparently several cameras are going to be put into place in the North Side.

“Safety is a priority in my district, and I thought cameras could be another tool for those communities,” said Pittsburgh City Councilwoman Darlene Harris.

Harris said she hopes one day all neighborhoods will have those tools.

The question is how effective will these cameras be?  I doubt they’ll be effective it all and just drive the unwanted elements / crime elsewhere in the North Side or to other parts of the city. How have CCTV cameras fared in, say, London - which has 10,000 cameras in its “Ring of Steel”?

“Only 3% of street robberies in London were solved using CCTV images, despite the fact that Britain has more security cameras than any other country in Europe.”

3%?  Just 3%?  They have 10,000 cameras.  Wonderful.  Another dog and pony show by the Pittsburgh administration which is going to cost the tax payer more money without seeing much benefit. (Just a note: this money is coming from Homeland “Security” not local taxes, but it is a “use it or lose it” type fund.  Just like the tunnel being drilled under the Allegheny).

Is this what is in store for Pittsburgh?  Oh, it’s going to be a talking point for how Ravenstahl and Co. took a bite out of crime.  Granted, Pittsburgh is not London, but what is a handful of camera’s going to do when 10,000 seem to be ineffective?

“Use of CCTV images for court evidence has so far been very poor, according to Detective Chief Inspector Mick Neville, the officer in charge of the Metropolitan police unit. “CCTV was originally seen as a preventative measure,” Neville told the Security Document World Conference in London. “Billions of pounds has been spent on kit, but no thought has gone into how the police are going to use the images and how they will be used in court. It’s been an utter fiasco: only 3% of crimes were solved by CCTV. There’s no fear of CCTV.”

Ah well, most people won’t care as long as it seems they are doing something.  Which in this case they’re really just spending money to do nothing.  It’s unfortunate that there are not other options (like increasing Police presence in troubled areas) that can be employed.

In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s loss last night - yes, I am aware she won in Indiana by two points, but overall losing by 200,000 votes - did I just hear her say on TV that if they were following Republican rules she would already be the nominee?  Perhaps she should have run as a Republican then.

This is just her trying to spin her argument about Electoral votes in November, which is really just empty rhetoric because nobody can say at this point how either candidate will do against McCain.

This just shows more and more that Clinton has no couth.  This is almost as sad as her repeated statements about counting Michigan and Florida since she’s lost the lead and is pretty much mathematically eliminated.  George McGovern, who in October endorsed Clinton, has switched sides; changed his endorsement to Barack Obama; and called for Clinton to drop out of the race.

Timothy Anderson didn’t get away with any cash from his attempted robbery of a Dormont Eat ‘n’ Park because he forgot that he needed Honey Bunny.

Due to the fact that I have decided that Onorato, Harrisburg and the Port Authority will be perpetually stupid, unless something miraculous happens, I will no longer comment on the Onorato drink tax.

Harrisburg and Onorato: As elected officials and having four-plus years to deal with the stupid mis-management of the Port Authority, they have failed and will continue to do so, claiming their hands are tied instead of looking for alternative solutions.  Onorato should be ashamed for pitting industry vs. homeowners.  But, he’s obviously learning from Clinton how to posture himself politically.

Port Authority:  Well, it’s hard to undo decades of incompetence and bureaucracy.  The fact that many have been appointed by Onorato… well, the Port Authority is now just an extension of him.

Even though I’m for the cutting / eliminating of taxes, I don’t agree that Clinton (or McCain’s plan) is well-thoughtout enough to actually make an impact.  Removing the $0.18 federal tax from gasoline for three months only to put it back into effect in September?  Say I have a ten-gallon gas tank that I fill up once a week - current cost is about $35 dollars / week.  Remove the $0.18 and I save $1.80 / week.  Over 12 weeks I would save $21.80.  Meanwhile, we’d have to put our faith in the oil industry for the money to repair roads and bridges.  Hell, when we can barely maintain the terrible conditions that Pennsylvania’s roads are in, this doesn’t sound like a good idea.

At the same time, this is just pandering.  An empty promise. Will anything actually be done about this before the Summer vacation season starts?  It is three weeks away.  This is just an empty promise by Clinton that actually borders on a bald-face lie.  The fact that people even listen to this nonsense is sad.  Especially when they will not even check the facts themselves or that of economists who actually know what they’re talking about.  Even the Bill Clinton’s former adviser Robert Reich spoke out against this idiocy.

“The gas tax holiday is small potatoes relative to everything else. But it’s so economically stupid (it would increase demand for gas and cause prices to rise, eliminating any benefit to consumers while costing the Treasury more than $9 billion, and generate more pollution) and silly (even if she won, HRC won’t be president this summer) as to be worrisome. That HRC now says she doesn’t care that what economists think is even more troubling.”

What does this mean for Us?  Well, We may have to reduce the number of field trips held this summer.  Instead of weekly field trips, We may have to go every other week instead.

Also, Our trip to India to toss babies off of a ledge for luck has also been put on hold.  We may be able to do this locally.

My Children.  I am pleased to announce that the Cougar Mating season is upon Us.  It’s no coincidence that this time falls in line with the Summer months each year.  It’s just a question of exactly where this year’s hunting ground will be.  It’s quite possible that the Cultural District will still have plenty of game for this season.

New this year will be a contest which will conclude just after Labor Day (even though the season continues usually until it’s too cold to sit outside Seviche - last year it was the first week of October).

There will also be fines and possible jail time for those of You who become confused about “hunting” Cougars and bring actual weapons with You.  We do not need a repeat of last summer’s police stand off against a mace-wielding Cougar.  How she was able to disarm the persuer and then battle three officers with tasers is still under investigation. The hole in the police officer’s arm from the heel of her shoe has finally fully healed.

Speaking of tasers, no caveman antics this year by tasing your “prey” and dragging her out of the bar. This is as bad as using GHB or roofies.  Do not become Roofie Mike.

Contest categories will be posted before May 26, the official beginning of Cougar Mating Season.  If You are proposed to or have need of a restraining order, You will be immediate disqualified.  If you are pepper sprayed or have a restaining order filed against You, not only will you be disqualified, Your privileges to Our Nutcracker Suite will be permanently revoked.  You will also face excommunication.

I want to let you all know that the city in which we live is not the most idiotic place when it comes to its governance, nor is it as bad as Florida where a pregnant woman was busted for a DUI… again; or the Homeland Security’s No-fly list which lists U.S. Marshalls, who are supposed to be on the flights to protect us from those who are not supposed to fly.

Oh, the U.S. also has Nelson Mandela on the no-fly list. I’m sure if Jesus existed today and he was rebuked by the Sanhedrin, they’d list him as a terrorist and, he too, would be on the no-fly list.

Next thing you know, MADD will want those who play Grand Theft Auto IV’s drunk driving scene arrested for driving under the influence as well.

In what could have been almost a nice common sense move for Pittsburgh, we could have had an Onorato sin tax on fast food.  Seems someone in New Jersey thinks this is not a bad idea.  Actually, I don’t either, as eating something from McDonald’s or Wendy’s is probably more likely to kill you than having a beer.  So, why not a 10% tax on your Big Mac?

Onorato could spin this to sound like he is fighting the war on obesity, diabetes and to promote general awareness of the dangers of The Baconator.  At least that’s something useful to society versus preying upon those of us who want one or two harmless beers.