Thrice today I had full-body tremors, during which my body felt afire and hummed with a strange enthusiasm not felt since… No, it wasn’t drugs nor a psychosis of an sort. They were a message. What the message is I am fortunate to be able to interpret the feelings correctly.
I am afraid some of it is dire news upon which We must act. I have learned of a great disturbance: Dan Onorato may be trying to destroy Us with heavy metal. I’m not referring to the music here, either. Heavy metal poison, periodic table type stuff. They’re a favorite means of disturbed women also who will use anything available - gold, lead, uranium, bleach and other cleaning products. Years ago, this may have been your sneaky commie conspiracy. It may still have its roots in communism and would be the only remnant show of Red influence.
Onorato, the Puppet Master, has reach to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board- a communist-style organization that’s around “for the good of the people,” to “protect them from themselves.” And if you thought they were just an alcohol monopoly, you would be wrong. They have access, they have control. The PLCB is, covertly, Pennsylvania’s best mercenary force. Perhaps best in the United States. You’d never suspect them. Their means of carrying out objectives are so simple that they are virtually undetectable, if at all.
“So what,” You might be asking at the moment, how does that affect Us? Do you know why Onorato pushed so hard for the drink tax? Why he wouldn’t even consider property tax as an option? Onorato is in quite a bit of debt to the PLCB. And that’s just the tip of the whole iceberg.
The PLCB is quite frankly just a front for a nation-wide loan shark and money laundering service. Mainly for those under public scrutiny: elected officials, judges, mob bosses, alleged mob bosses, etc. Why does the mob use them? Kickbacks on moonshine and alcohol running; even the mob’s best laundering capabilities have nothing on the PLCB.
This started several years ago when Onorato asked the PLCB to front the bribe money to get the votes to appoint Luke Ravenstahl as council president. After Ravenstahl was in place, time was their only obstacle. See, Onorato pushed for the drink tax because he’s behind on his payments to the PLCB and used it as a bargaining chip for a stay of repayment of his back-alley loan. What did he want? Ravenstahl as Pittsburgh’s mayor. The only obstacle was O’Connor. The PLCB agreed as they vehemently objected to O’Connor in office. O’Connor would be a terror to their organization and had secretly launched an investigation to their practices. Onorato was worried that his ties to the conspiracy would land him as a scape goat. He asked, for a price, for the PLCB to take care of O’Connor.
Through bribes to doctors and hospital officials to keep the truth of O’Connor’s “tumor” vague or unorthodox as to hide the fact that he was actually dying of heavy metal poisoning. See, the PLCB has access and control… how did they use this advantage? By replacing O’Connor’s select Scotch with tainted goods. It would take some time, but it was virtually untraceable. Add it to O’Connor’s pre-existing condition and no one would be the wiser. It was perfect.
O’Connor objected to any new tax involving his favorite past-time - drinking scotch and playing golf. He refused to endorse a new tax as the PLCB wanted (they only wanted three percent at the time) as he would not impose on his constituents that which he would not gladly pay himself. There also were mumblings that O’Connor was meeting often with Governor Rendell to come up with a plan to abolish the PLCB and privatize the liquor industry. Onorato secretly met with the PLCB Elite in the caves of the Poconos to discuss and further their common goals and they unhatched their unspoken plan to depose the Mayor. The PLCB was only happy to oblige, but said Onorato was to finance the operation, but they would front certain costs as to move quickly and that Onorato was to implement a drink tax of five percent.
Now it was just a matter of convincing the County Council and how did Onorato do this? In several closed door sessions with those susceptible to bribes or threats Onorato leveled them when he said that they didn’t want to go out the same way O’Connor did back in 2006. Now how were they to object, they knew the probable way it was handled, but they were unable to prove any of it. They knew the PLCB was the most powerful behind-the-scenes force in the nation next to stupidity.
However, Onorato was falling behind on his payments to the PLCB, with the current tax structure and that proposed, he was in jeopardy of defaulting the PLCB. Most would rather give their left hand than default to the PLCB. So the push for ten percent began and the silent threat of the PLCB’s mercenary forces kept the majority of dissenters quiet.
Now why are we in danger? In hopes to challenge the corruption of the County Executive, I sent him a letter in October, informing him that I knew of his plan and would expose him. (How did I know? I had similar tremors in October, I long kept them secret as worried to draw suspicion, I had to be sure they were for something good.) He rebuked that offer quickly and dispatched his Daleks to force Us into submission. The Daleks were no match for Our motherly Wargs and Onorato realized We could not be subdued by force. He knew We would have to be neutralized quietly.
Henceforth, We must come up with a plan to protect our precious fluids from being tampered with by the PLCB. These are dangerous times and we must act with haste and get our allies after them to before we’re destroyed by PLCB retaliation.
That’s why I jumped back ten feet and withdrew my offering of beads. I mean, I’ve seen silver dollar-sized ones before, but what the hell? I honestly thought it was ringworm or some new disease that should be featured on an episode of House M.D. Enjoy being someone’s fetish.